So, you may be asking yourself, “What does a good relationship with me look like?” Sometimes a souring of our self-love can creep up on us. We don’t even know it’s happening until we’re in the middle of the slimy mess and muck. Let’s look at some self help options.

We can be so unaware of it, that we don’t see how our poor relationship with our-selves is changing our relationships with everyone around us.

Do Tell: The Relationship Game author Kathy Jacobson dedicates her work to helping people build better connections with others by starting with themselves. Jacobson advises, “We tend to judge ourselves far more than we judge anybody else. I think a good relationship with Self takes time to cultivate,  a lot of patience and soothing.” She has some tips on what to look out for and how to get there.

1. Pay attention to what you think about you: An aspect to a good relationship with ourselves is to pay attention to the ways in which we do judge ourselves and try to find ways to soften the judgment. For instance, if we’re frustrated because we keep running into the same “brick walls” again and again, don’t get down, just stop and realize that everyone has “brick walls.” They are hard. You aren’t the only one with a problem. It doesn’t make you bad. It doesn’t make you broken or a lost cause. You are just you. It is what it is. Judgment will only defeat you. It won’t help you find a game plan for change. Start by just accepting where you are.

1. Start a little journal dedicated to the things you do well: Write down one or two or three things every day that you did well. Maybe it’s something small like loving your child or doing a good deed, or acknowledging something you’ve completed. They make five-year journals that allow you to write just a small amount every day. Get one of these journals and start with today. If you write down those positive things about yourself or your day every night before you go to bed you will be amazed at the progress you’ll make, and you’ll also have a tool for inspiration when things aren’t going well.

1. Let yourself enjoy your relationships with others: The more we love ourselves, the more we can share that love with other people. When we’re hard on ourselves and judging ourselves it’s hard to love other people fully. It’s hard to enjoy the special moments with your spouse or children. It’s hard to feel much joy at any kindness because we’re thinking we don’t deserve it. When we judge ourselves we cut ourselves off from the love that comes through. It’s kind of putting a cramp in the hose it’s harder to let it flow. So, let yourself enjoy those people in your life that you DO connect with.

Start today and you’ll find yourself looking in the mirror at a different person, one you like, one you love and one who is full enough to reflect that love to those around them.