Appreciate what Bugs you and Lift your Spirit

Is there some situation or person in your life that’s bugging you a little bit? Surely there is. Its part of being human.

Maybe it is just irritating. Maybe it makes you mad. Sometimes you might want to be mad or irritated. That can be when we make our most creative work. But sometimes being mad stops being a choice and starts taking up more energy than it is due.

When being mad stops being okay, try turning to appreciation. Appreciation is one of the most potent tools we have for bringing positive changes into our lives. It starts with one simple step:

Focus on your relationship with what you like.

This rule can work with situations or people that are bugging us, and it can work when we are unhappy with ourselves. At Do Tell: The Relationship Game, we’re all about helping people build better connections with those they love, including themselves. The very FIRST card written for the game was:

Tell: Name three things that you appreciate about yourself.

If that’s hard for you, you aren’t alone, but it might be an indicator that you are not used to focusing on your relationship with what you like. Maybe you feel guilty focusing on what you like, or maybe you’re afraid that focusing on what you like will let the bad situation “off the hook.”

We get into these habits of thinking about the negative, and we get bogged down. But if we practice, thinking instead about the things that lift our spirits, our lives can become vessels of appreciation. That appreciation holds the power to increase our energy, and improve our relationship with what we like.

The cool thing about this tool is that you can benefit regardless of whether you start with yourself or something in the world around you.

Take this example: You have a job, and you don’t like it so much. But you really like the money and security that job provides.

If you focus on what you don’t like about your job you are going to end up feeling miserable and un-happy. If you focus on even one small thing you appreciate about your job, you’ll find you are a lot happier than you were. You might also find that you appreciate yourself more, because instead of thinking of yourself as a person who stays at a job you hate, you start seeing yourself as someone who works to support your core values of providing financial resources and security for yourself and those you love.

If it sounds simple, it is. But it is also very effective. You may have to really think hard the first time you try it. That’s okay. Just practice.

It’s just like the basketball player who is a good dribbler but not a good shooter. The player has to practice. The more the player practices shooting, the better he or she gets. They don’t make the shot every time, but practice helps them do better. Try the same approach with appreciation. It will get easier.

When you have deliberately chosen to appreciate something, you will find that you not only feel better, but also that thing that you have been focusing on (your relationship or job or situation) may change toward the positive. Even a little thing can change your perspective. You don’t have to let that hurt or pain “off the hook,” but you can choose how you feel about it.